I moved into my new flat and I look so exhausted and dirty here but ayy it me
just remembered that I set up my dick as one of my finger prints on my phone while drunk one night. i can unlock my phone with my dick head. 2014 is amazing
i guess i recorded an ice bucket challenge today after i got my wisdom teeth out ??
"I’M BLEEDING….. that’s okay i can still do it"
THIS IS MY FAVORITE VIDEO EVER
i seen someone on here say “daddy spank me like an almost empty ketchup bottle” and since then i just been usin a knife to get the sauce out the bottle
How to use sand to freak people out
Imagine if some guy was tripping and saw the woman, runs up to help her and she just crumbles apart in his hands. That’s gonna take the trip south.
"I will not be your “sometimes”."
"Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance."
look , i literally can’t stress how cute this deleted parks and rec scene is and im about to lose my fucking shit.
Im in love with Chris Pratt
(Source: bleu, via pursuitofhapppinessss)
"You’re not even mine to miss."
when rappers brag about being rich and breaking the law but then whine when people illegally download their music